What I have learned through reading The Big Leap
This book, written by Gay Hendricks, has helped me understand one of the biggest blocks in my life that have held me back in the past. It has also helped me reframe big "setbacks". For instance, at the 2021 Pan Am Championships, I won the gold medal in singles! It was a wonderful performance, full of flow, joy, and intuition. Everything aligned and came together. Ball motion, physical repeatability, spare shooting, mental game, emotional management, and tactical decisions all came together to create this moment in time where I simply allowed myself to be and the universe flowed through me.
My look and ball motion were one of the best in the event and I was executing perfectly. Come doubles the next day. I was originally partnered with the same person I bowled the Singles event with, which I was perfectly happy with as she is a great teammate and bowler. The morning of, our coach approached us and told us he was going to switch up the doubles pairings and I was now going to be partnered with the same partner I bowled with at the Youth Pan Am Championships (then PABCON). Going back to this event, I won the gold in Singles, we won the silver in Doubles, a gold in All Events, and a bronze in the Masters Event. It was all coming together. A repeat of 2006. That moment of greatness, everything I had been hoping for.
And then came time to bowl Doubles...I started out with three really well-executed, flush strikes. And then I got a bit fast and left a 3-10 and spared it, just like the day before. I went back and my coach said, you really are a world-class spare shooter! The next shot, not wanting it to go light again, I threw the ball tentatively, tugged it a bit and left a 6-8. The next five frames were a complete unravelling of my confidence. It would have been truly and utterly fascinating to watch had I not been the one experiencing it. I left a 1-3-9 and took out the 3-9 on the spare. The next frame I left a 7-pin and whiffed it. And then all the doubt and over-analyzing kicked in. I couldn't find the right ball motion, I was changing balls, I was missing spares...what the heck happened?
I hit the Upper Limit Problem. Imagine you're comfortable at a temperature of 68℉ and then someone suddenly turns the temperature up to 72℉. If you've only ever been comfortable at 68℉, you'll find a way to turn the thermostat back down to 68℉. In my case, I saw myself at a certain position in the field and after winning a gold, and a having the potential to win more medals, my subconscious said, "Whoa Felicia! Are you sure that's where you belong? I think you would be more comfortable at a lower position..." and I proceeded to shoot -100 for each block. Eventually finishing at 14th place overall. Wow. Yikes.
It's been a difficult road, and I didn't learn about the Upper Limit Problem until very recently, but it sure has helped explain some situations in the past that didn't make any sense at that time. Winning that gold medal showed me what I was capable of and expanded my sense of self. Since that time, I have reflected on expanding my capacity for greatness and allowing myself to sit in that place of deserving and belonging! Perhaps next time I'll be ready to win 5 gold medals, or at least two or three ;)