Why was I disappointed after the Tour Championships?

I qualified for the freakin’ Tour Championships! That feat alone has been on my goals list since I started bowling full-time in 2022, and I did it!! I am still understanding and accepting the full gravity of it and I will write more on the overall season later. This blog will focus solely on the Tour Championships. 

Before we started the final major I journaled about all the great things that had happened during the week and the moments where even though I lost myself, I came back and bowled like myself in “high pressure” moments. I set up my stage to be joyful and grateful for this opportunity. I was also placed in a group with a good friend so we moved pairs together for 23 of the 24 games. We talked about ball motion and what we were experiencing emotionally, physically, and tactically. I could not have asked for a better cross and lane buddy! 

I started the day with my usual yoga and breathing practices to keep me grounded and envision the type of day I wanted to experience. During official practice I found some ball motions that seemed to match up to the part of the lane I wanted to play. Then I ran some errands, picked up a rental car, and relaxed by watching Bridgerton and reading :P. Before leaving for a late lunch, I repeated my yoga and breathing practices noticing that I was feeling some anxiety. I went to lunch at Panera and had a nice surprise by meeting up with Sandra Gongora! From there I stopped by one of my favourite coffee shops in the area, Qamaria Coffee, to grab a Qamaria Latte before the block (a latte with cardamom and cinnamon!)

It seemed like the anxiety was staying at bay and I was still able to notice and appreciate the great small moments leading up to the block. During the practice and into the first block I felt the anxiety ramping up, difficulty breathing and a pressure weighing on my chest. From experience, I knew the best way to handle anxiety was to talk through it and use breathing techniques. So I talked about it with my friend and acknowledged its existence while focusing on getting comfortable on the lanes and reading ball motion. It took about a game and a half for the anxiety to ebb, while acknowledging it and breathing proved the best way to move through it. I was making fairly good shots but where I was playing wasn’t quite right. After a game and a half, I shifted my feet and eyes right with a ball change and my whole world opened up. 

From there, it became FUN! Truly enJOYable. In the last game of the day I moved back to the pair I started on and thought I had royally messed it up in practice but proceeded to move further right and balled down listening to my gut. It was the best game of the day. (Check out frame 8 on lanes 65 and 66 on BowlTV if you want to see the amusement). It was a perfect way to end the day and I left the bowl happy and content with how I performed, how I showed up, and who I was on the lanes. I shot 1600 for 8 games and won 6 out of 8 matches; the best match play record of the day! It was a bonus that I was also sitting in 6th just 12 pins out of the top 5. 

The next day we were to bowl two 8-game blocks of match play with a lunch break in between. I continued my routine, yoga, breathing, and picked up a Qamaria Latte. As usual, the lanes played a little differently than they did the previous evening. The first two games started right where I left off the night before, 210 and 195 with both wins. Then the ball motion got a bit more sensitive to speed, release, and touchy at the breakpoint (less room for error and there was not a lot to begin with). I fought it for about four games. Thinking, the lanes are just difficult, no one is scoring, stay the course. However, after fighting the ball motion for four games, throwing good shots and shooting 170s, it was time to stop fighting my gut. (I know, that’s far longer than it ought to take but sometimes we allow ourselves to be fooled!) 

I took a stronger ball with more surface and decided to play what was in front of me. This is usually the goal, however, sometimes we trick ourselves by thinking we’re smarter than what the lane is telling us or believing that the lane isn’t saying what it is saying. It worked! I finished the block with two more 200s and two more wins. At the end of round two, I am only 20 pins out of the top 5 and sitting in 9th place. The scores were low, which meant the standings were going to be close and winning matches with bonus pins would make all the difference. 

We finish just before 2 pm and I clean and prep all my surfaces for the afternoon block and head back to the hotel. I eat leftovers and spend time recharging watching Bridgerton and reading. In the meantime, I have always had an issue with squeezing…I know, I have been bowling for 34 years…how could I STILL have an issue with squeezing? It’s not for lack of trying or awareness. But when I get towards the end of the tour season the squeezing is in full swing and is exacerbated by humidity, temperature, and “higher pressure” situations. After 16 games my thumb was still holding up quite well, sure it was sore but I could keep bowling. Perhaps if we had not taken a break it would have been better but we will never know. 

I decided not to get the latte for the afternoon block having had a big lunch and not too much time. Again as expected, the lanes play differently. I started with a DNA Coil even though I hadn’t used it in the previous two blocks because it felt like everything was picking up earlier. It wasn’t bad but a little over-under. I switched to the Nova in the fifth frame and saved a 187 even though I lost the match. The next game was even better with a clean 192 and a win. I maintained throughout the next four games while my thumb began to blister under my callous. It became more painful and more difficult to put the thumb in the ball let alone come out of it cleanly and consistently, but I soldiered on. In the 6th game, I put together three in a row going into the 10th frame and had the opportunity to bowl a big (ish) game and win. I split, took two, and managed to win by 2 pins but lost ground on the top 5. Okay, there’s still two more games, let’s do this. 

It unravels rather quickly in the game before the position round. I moved to the pair I started on and had set up quite nicely. I had a good look through the first half of the game even though it was becoming exceedingly difficult to let go of the ball. But hey, at least my roll is forward and what I need it to be, right? I don’t remember exactly which frame it happened but one blister burst and then a frame later the other blister burst. Bless Stephanie Zavala and her husband Chris’ hearts. They were so supportive and caring, getting me napkins and asking if there was anything they could do. The tour is truly filled with great and supportive people, even though we are “competitors”. I had the opportunity to double and win 219-206. I leave a 5-count bucket in the 10th- frame and then pick off one. Throughout the game, I was bouncing on the lane during the set up trying to convince myself to go and bowl through the pain. My hand was sweating and I was on the verge of tears. After the 10th frame, the dam breaks and I head to the locker room to let it all out. 

Thankfully, Kelly Kulick was in there and, as always, was a calming and supportive presence. She lets me take what I need and talks to me calmly. Sometimes you just need to let it all out. The thoughts running through my head…“how does this still happen?” “why have I not moved past this?” “why aren’t I better?” “how did I let this opportunity slip away?” “how am I going to finish this last game?” “WHAT THE FFFFF….” and on and on. We are truly our own worst critics sometimes. 

I collect myself enough to breathe and head back to the bowling area. The lanes are on for us to practice while they set up the position round. At this point, I had no idea whether it would be better to keep bowling or just wait until I absolutely had to throw a ball. I throw a few balls to warm up but the pain is excruciating. Going into the position round I am sitting 16th and match up against Liz Kuhlkin. Liz was also extremely gracious at the moment, letting me know I could take my time and being supportive throughout the match. I don’t put my thumb in all the way. I barely hold on to the ball. I whimper each time I let go of the ball. Miraculously I still manage to make most of my spares but I do not strike and shoot 152 and lose the match. 

There still aren’t words to describe how I feel about the ending of the Tour Championships. I am proud of how I played the first two blocks. It was exactly how I would want to play all the time, but the sting of the last block still lingers. My span and pitches feel good but I like to leave the thumbhole a half piece to a full piece of tape too big so I can squeeze. It is something I have battled with my entire bowling career. I will work through it. Once I get back home from the Pan Am Championships it will be time to experiment and try new things so my thumb can withstand bowling 16 games in one day with a break in between after bowling multiple days beforehand.

Until the next post!